Ever find yourself in a place.... part 2. Healing comes in faith and time.

Wow, what a different place we were in only one short year ago. [Refer to reposted blog entry from March 2020 here.] God was preparing (us) for something incredibly hard and a long journey but the blessings along the way have been amazing.

What I remember most early last year was anxiety. However, God gave me the knowledge something was happening and He gave me time to prepare. Time to pray, to let the Holy Spirit intercede for me when I didn't even know what to ask for, time to understand what was ahead. I've never experienced anything this intense and deliberate before. Although Don experienced chest pains for more than a week before he told me, he did not have a heart attack or a stroke before hospitalization. From the cardiologist to the surgeon, to our primary care doctor, no one can explain it. But God. When you land in a situation like this you have no idea where to go for answers because you've never been here before. I began asking friends and relatives, researching on my own .. I received help from all over and the resounding answer over and over again was the surgeon and cardiologist we prayerfully chose.
You are lost and confused, then God. There was damage to my husbands heart, on the left side in addition to the five bypasses needed. (In the heart world it's called CABG X5. Coronary Artery Bypass Grafts. Yes, he needed 5 of them)
He entered the hospital via emergency on Sunday but before we could schedule surgery Don suffered what could only be described as two "tiny" strokes, one on each side. His only symptom was a weak hand for a few minutes. As neurology descended on his room, swarming like bees and took him for testing, I immediately resorted to my lifeline of friends to pray, for God to again intercede. I trust you Jesus.
Now we had to wait for surgery, his brain needed to heal. We actually went to the beach while we waited the five to six weeks before he could have his bypass surgery. I was not keen on vacationing at this time. We had conversations about it but looking back, I understand why he needed to go. Even though it was a super long week for me. Don said, we are going, I'm not worried. God provided again.

So today marks one year. One year since we calmly walked into the hospital hand in hand, trusting God supremely. In the weeks before surgery Don sat me down with all our important paperwork, he apologized for not having it all together before now. He wanted me to be secure, just in case. I know it sounds almost inhuman to say we were calm but God had given us both such peace. Don stated, If God allows me to survive, it's a win. If he takes me home, it's a win. I can't lose either way." He had his surgery with friends and family covering him in prayer across the globe. We had asked for prayers for the surgeon and team as well. This team assembled were diligent, observant, smart and so kind to us throughout. I felt each nurse had been hand picked for us, each day. From the first one in those early hours, explaining everything we needed to know, to the young man offering up dignity to my Don when he felt weak and scared. Even the sweet young nurse who received some of his wrath as he lay in that hospital bed in pain- she gave it right back to him but with kindness he had lacked in speaking to her. (a lesson he needed that day) He would later apologized profusely for his behavior. To the comedic relief explaining Don was a little overweight and would need to shake some bad habits.

Amazingly,

~There was no visible damage from the tiny strokes. ~When surgeries like his can take 5-7 hours for most, he was on the table only 2 and a half hours. ~Speaking to the surgeon after, I asked about the extent of the damage we were told was on the left side of his heart. He had to go back and get his notes to answer me. Looking confused, he said "there's no damage. His heart is remarkably strong, except for the blockages which are now taken care of. He is good Mrs Crossley, he's going to be fine." ~He healed quickly and his attitude was excellent. (We all know how men can be when sick or hurt but this time was different.) He did have trouble getting his physical condition back up because he had a knee which needed to be replaced and it was hindering his rehab. He could barely walk on it before bypass surgery. But his attitude toward healing was phenomenal. I believe it was god-given.
Eight days after surgery, Don is at home and I learn I have been exposed to strep throat. I ran to the doctor for a quick test because the last thing my heart patient needed was strep. The entire experience was God ordained. It was late on a Friday, the office is about to close. My doctor is gone for the day and I see another doctor. He tests me and palpates my throat. [I had my annual physical in October '18 w/no problems.] He states, "You do not have strep. Mrs Crossley, are you aware you have nodules on your thyroid?" I was not aware. I asked him "why did my doctor not find them in October?" He said, "Leisa, we each have our strengths. I may take an xray to him to assist me because he's better than I am at reading xrays. One of the strengths God gave me is expertise in my hands."
My doctor had not felt the nodules but this doctor did. Why? I know why. A couple weeks later I had an ultrasound and they identified a nodule on each side of my thyroid. The diagnosis a few months later would be papillary thyroid cancer.

The magnitude of God's continued protection over us has been the most humbling experience of our lives. We are flawed people who fail at every turn.. yet God. Don continued rehabilitation for his heart and with approval from his cardiologist had the knee repaired November 25th, 2019, exactly four months after heart surgery. He fought his way back month by month. Currently, he is doing as he pleases. We recently raced our bikes through a local campground.
He feels like camping again, he's working on home projects. We recently took a quick trip to the beach and he was able to play with grandchildren again. His knee is healed and he barely remembers the surgery, his heart is strong, he takes minimal medication compared to so many and we are FOREVER changed. None of us are promised another day but I am very thankful God has given us 365 more. Shields up.

. . . with love and grace.

We mourn the earthly loss of her and I can hardly believe it's been an entire year. When I say we, I mean her extended family and a multitude of friends.
Jesus feed more than 5000 on a hillside, Nancy Jane likely loved on more than that. There is no better example of christian love and grace, than the oldest daughter, middle child of Lora V and Herbert M Craft. Nancy Jane was a constant in my childhood and growing up, along with her younger sister Suzanne and older brother, David. We lived approximately five hours apart but managed to visit each other several times a year.

I cannot remember Nancy without remembering from where she came. Aunt Lora, my mothers older sister was a beautiful, strong woman with a drive and intellect that rivaled any man and she knew it. There was a side to Aunt Lora few may have seen. She had a soft spot for those who struggled, I believe her humble roots never left her. I know my mother loved her sister deeply but she also admired her, which said a great deal about who she was.
Many years ago mama shared this story with me. Laughing and enjoying sister time, they walked to the car on a particular grocery trip. Aunt Lora asked mama to get in the car, she would only be a minute. Mama loaded their groceries and sat down in the car. Aunt Lora walked to a nearby car with children, a young mother and father. After a couple minutes of talking together Aunt Lora went back into the store, the mother beside her. They soon emerged laughing and smiling with enough groceries to fill the car. Mama watched as the young man sheepishly thanked her and Aunt Lora shook her head as if to say "not necessary." What Aunt Lora had noticed my mother had not, was something about the young man that told her he had served his country. My aunt was, as we say, "good people."

My Uncle Herbert (Uncle Hub) countered his wife in personality about as perfectly as anyone could. A gentle, easy-going  soul with kind eyes, handsome, full of humor and loving. His children knew when he meant business and when he was simply amused with them. My Uncle Herbert loved his sports almost as much as he loved his Lora. That precious man could eat more ice cream than anyone I ever knew. I don't know where he put all that ice cream! Together, they raised three intelligent, loving children. Nancy Jane had the gentle graciousness of her father and the "get it done" drive of her mother. She liked to remain low key and out of the spotlight. Always attentive if you needed her, she gave great thought when asked a question and had strong opinions yet was gentle in her replies or any rebuff.
What I remember most as a child was how she could diffuse a situation or a person with ease- (usually her mother) My Aunt Lora's personality was often very intense. I would see her get all wound up about something, usually details that didn't get finished or completed in the manner she would have preferred. Nancy could breeze in with a smile, add a different perspective to solve the same problem and completely diffuse her mother. My Aunt Lora would smile and you could see her mood change instantly. Nancy had a gift and a way with her mother. God-given I am sure and I'm guessing the entire family loved her more for it.

[Melanie and Nancy] 

God's Word has quite a bit to say about our serving one another. Nancy sought to bring honor and glory to God daily. She was not perfect, as none of us are but she had a gift and the heart of a servant. 
She married and raised two beautiful, intelligent children. I know they will carry her lessons with them for a lifetime. I watched her daughter lovingly and gently care for her mother throughout her illness. It's in the blood, an attitude of gratitude. It's a learned gift to care for someone you love, knowing what makes them feel comforted and secure. You did it well Melanie.

It's a strange thing, living without one's mother. It's often as if an appendage has been removed from your body but eventually you adjust to your new normal. You make new memories but you still want to tell your Mother about them. My own mother died eight years ago tonight, 12:01 a.m. May 1st and I still sometime want to pick up the phone and tell her something fabulous or share my day with her.  It is no longer painful to think about her, there is only joy where she once was.  

The week before Nancy passed I had the opportunity of sitting with her one last time. We talked of family and how fortunate we were to have grown up in the time we did, of all the fun we had as children, of our connection through the years. I am better for having grown up with this family, with these people as mine. I carry them with me daily.
Nancy leaves a legacy of love and grace, a perfect example of how we should treat each other in the time we are given. I cannot even imagine the depth and scope of who she touched in her life.
That's just one person, imagine what you can do with a little love and grace.

Sweet and Tangy Chicken is on the menu tonight!

We are in days that feel so foreign to our very nature right now. I'm a home body but being told to stay home is very different than choosing it.
No more going about our business and not thinking about who we come in contact with and where we go?
Anyway, I decided to post this recipe, quick and easy as it is. If you love "no mess clean up" this is for you. Notice there is not even a single pot needed!  Got to love that!

Sweet and Tangy Chicken
(I've seen many versions of this recipe but I have adapted mine over the years to include the grill)
You need a couple quart or a single gallon ziploc bag. My measurements are not exact.. I just shake them into the bag. 

Ingredients- 
2-4 Chicken boneless skinless breasts or tenderloin strips.
1 tbls dijon mustard (you can use dry mustard) 
1/3 cup olive oil
2 tbls Pineapple simple syrup**  (I make this at home because we like it in tea, etc.) recipe is below.
1/4 cup light brown sugar
approx 1-2 tbls white balsamic vinegar (you can sub lemon juice but then you have Tangy lemon chicken) 
1tsp lite salt, pepper to taste
I pour the olive oil, vinegar, mustard, simple syrup directly in the bag. Mash to mix. Add other ingredients and mash again. Drop your chicken pieces in and place in refrigerator to marinade all day. Throw it on the grill and Voila! 
(You can bake in the oven, be aware w/the brown sugar it can caramelize and burn quickly).. watch it well. 

Large sweet onion chunks, optional. (I mix a separate small bag of the mixture and place onion pieces in it, to prevent cross-contamination w/chicken.) We like the grilled onions skewered to accompany our dinner. 

Pineapple Simple Syrup -
This is good in/on lots of things. Good in drinks, (even hot tea), in breads and muffins. You can cook it down in small batches even more to make a fresh syrup for pancakes and waffles.  In meats it aids in breaking down muscle fiber and makes meat tender.

1 fresh pineapple, cut in chunks
4 cups water, heat on the stove at medium
1 1/4 cup sugar

Heat water and sugar on stove until sugar is dissolved. Add pineapple chunks and allow to simmer about 10 minutes. Remove from heat and cool. Blend on puree in blender.
I use lidded bottles for easy pouring but you can use quart mason jars. Store syrup in refrigerator.

Contentment is a choice.

Time marches on doesn't it? We are pretty much hanging out at home these days while we pray this "COVID19" outbreak levels off to manageable numbers and reduces the death toll. Serious stuff and strange times we live in. We moved into our home in 2005, mama was not yet suffering from dementia and still driving. She visited me regularly. As one particular visit ended and I walked her out as I usually did, she said, "oh, I brought you something."

From her trunk she pulled out a stick wrapped in a damp paper towel and foil. It was close to 10" long, w/a nice green ctr and a stem about 5" long on it. "It's a flowering Plum tree from mine. It needs well-draining soil and 5-6 hours sun each day. I suppose right beside the driveway would be a good spot" as she turned to look and make sure it would receive enough sunlight.

I planted it right where she said. You were right mama. It has thrived there. (now offering off-shoots 6' or taller.)

Every time I pull into the driveway I see the Flowering Plum tree and am reminded of my mother.

My mama was the kind of woman you would sometime find poking around on the side of the road, if something caught her eye. She dug up double blooming day lilies (tagging them with string while blooming and coming back when blooming was done) She once brought me an almost 3-4' tall Hemlock tree she found growing on the side of the road, on the way back from Tennessee. I honestly don't know how she spotted it on the side of the road but she had a keen eye for things she loved. Her sister and brother-in-law were with her. My Uncle Hub helped her dig it up, she said while her sister kept saying, "I can't believe you are digging up a tree on the side of the road, Mary?!"

[Eventually it would have looked like this one]

She carried a small shovel, brown paper groceries bags and a plastic bag or two in her trunk all the time. Just in case she came across something amazing. "It's a Hemlock, Lora!" Quite surprised my Aunt Lora did not feel the same value in the little tree.

I imagine them riding down the road w/the Hemlock in the back seat floor board (no way it fit in the trunk, that little tree was as wide as it was tall at the base) It was close to 4' tall at the time. It must have been resting on the seat to hang in the back window.. Aunt Lora or Uncle Hub sitting beside it. I'm guessing he offered to sit in the back, always the consummate gentleman. I planted that little tree AND my husband moved it to the river house when we were building there. He place it safely in the edge of the woods next to the front yard. The plan was to move it again when the house and yard were finished. It was not to be. An Alabama Power truck ran over it while putting in our power poles. I cried like a baby over that little tree, now nearly 8 ft tall. He apologized and promised AP would pay for it but what he didn't understand was it wasn't just a tree.

That little tree represented a part of who my mother was, a love for something that she and I shared. It made me smile when I watered it thinking of my Uncle Hub digging while they all talked over that little tree on the side of the road. It was alive, like they were then, all three of them. Only a few years later my Aunt Lora would be gone.
Today, we live without all three of those wonderful relatives and I miss them. God's promises say we will see them again and I look forward to that day. Until then, I have this beautiful Flowering Plum beside the driveway beckoning spring. I can hear my mother telling me those shoots have got to be moved next winter. Yes, I know they do mama, I'll get it done.
Maybe one of my children or one of the nieces or nephew will want one to plant in their yard. It will remind them of mama as well. I snapped this picture on a recent overcast day. We've had many gray days lately with much rain. But the rain makes my trees grow, it feeds the yellow bell from Grandaddy's home place, my mothers first home, the Irises that will soon be bursting with blooms as well as the grass which will be lush and green. It's all in how
you choose to look at it.

You see we can't control how COVID19 or any other disease will affect us or what's to happen in the coming days, not really. While being obedient to the call to stay home and practice social distancing, I can control what my thoughts dwell on. I turn off the news because I have no control over it or the situation beyond my own choices. I can pray for the situation earnestly.

I can look forward to a beautiful spring because the living things will continue to grow, I hear the ducks and geese on the lake. The dogwood have begun to bloom.

I can find Joy in everyday things~ the rain and peaceful days at home. I have some things to move and plant in my yard when the days are sunny again. I'm waiting for a sunny day to get my hands in the dirt again. There's to be a new baby in the family this year, I'm very excited about that.

I bought a little hand made set of wind chimes from the maker to hang outside, I'm looking for the right tree limb where there's nice breezes to bring them to life. I have cushions to sew and clients who will be ready to get out when the covid danger is passed and shop my jewelry again.

I hope and pray these days at home teach us all how to be content in our surroundings, how to listen to our loved ones again- really listen, look into each others eyes and laugh out loud at the things we share. Maybe even slow us down a bit.
Yes, joy and contentment are definitely a choice.

Ever find yourself in a place of discontentment? (part 1)

There are a large group of we boomers walking around who hear the words "shields up" and do not think of Star Wars. Crazy, I know.

"Highly Illogical Captain" My childhood only afforded small amounts of news coverage on the Gemini and Apollo space missions in a time long before social media and 24/7 coverage. Television programs provided a futuristic look at space exploration and it came to us in the form Star Trek, where mama would walk through the living room while we were encamped and mutter something like "turn that trash off."
But mama Captain Kirk is at the helm, Dr Spock is on the bridge and they've got this. "Shields up gentlemen" just before they were to be annihilated. Shields were awesome and when the current threat was over, shields were brought down. It was just about the coolest thing I ever saw and made me proud my daddy was in the aeronautics field. (Even though he never made mention of deflector shields) I'm sure it just slipped his mind. 

About mid-April 2019 I began having a very restless spirit. I felt anxious and unsettled. I could not explain it much less share it with anyone. Nothing unusual had happened that I could recall. I decided to pray over this anxiety, thinking at first it was surely my own creation. I can sometime be an over thinker, as was my mother.  Slowly but surely it became apparent to me, deep in my core that something indeed was afoot, not right, needs my attention. But what? I'm supposed to recognize this but I have no idea what it is, where it came from or why I'm concerned with "it." 
I can only describe it as a nagging feeling that would not go away.  As I continued each day thinking and praying. (still having not shared with anyone) I believe the first scripture passage allotted to me was a favorite from Isaiah. 
Isaiah 41:10: Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 


Another, For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock. Psalms 27:5 

But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.
       2 Thessalonians 3:3

I began praying daily over these passages.  I now knew this was not my overactive thinking.  As a mother and grandmother who always prays over her children. My prayers were more frequent but soon I knew. It was not to be my children but our house. This time was different. Now Lord, I understand.

You see I believe in the one true Living Water. Eloheim, Yahweh, Abba Father. I believe God sent his son for my salvation, to bear the burdens of my sin. The sin of the world. I accepted this call at 10 yrs of age and I remember the words I spoke in acceptance of this gift, I remember the white knuckles on the pew I could no longer stand in, I remember racing down the aisle to share my new found faith. I remember the comfort that followed knowing now I belonged to the Lamb. I am one of His sheep.

As it continued, I would often wake at night filled with prayers and scripture of how to "expect" protection. "  While certainly comforted, I was also terrified.
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart." Psalms 91:4   
What in all of heaven and earth is about to happen? Then one day as I completed my daily quiet and devotion time, it ended with "I trust you Jesus." It was everywhere Ilooked and in every thought. I would wake at night with a scripture passage I had not previously thought much on. 
Jeremiah 30:17 -- For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord, because they have called you an outcast: "it is Zion for whom no one cares"

Since November 2017 I had not been at my spiritual best. While in that deep pit we find ourselves in sometime where we can find no reason for the things that have happened and the losses we've suffered. We cry out to God for some semblance of understanding, please Lord... yet nothing. It's a terrible place to dwell. Yet, I trust you Jesus. I must. I was broken beyond repair but God. He met me where I was and when I didn't even know what to pray, The Holy Spirit interceded for me. Over the next eleven months I came to a place of complete peace and rest. 
Yes, God was preparing me for something. I instinctively knew Abba Father was calling me to accept instead of reject these thoughts. I also knew it would be hard. Really hard but there will only be one way and that's through it. God will be close to me and cover me with his shield of protection. 
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts. Neither are your ways my ways, saith Jehovah. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9  

A few years ago we were camping and one of the grands spent the night. Pop headed off to work after breakfast. The boy and I decided to hike up the trails which were quite rough for a little boy of 6 but he was completely committed to the venture. We filled our pockets with snacks, a bottle of water in my pocket and off we went. We climbed rocks and steep trails and every step I walked before him, watching along the trail for creatures great and small, protecting my little buddy. Before we sat on rocks to rest and snack at the peak of the mountain, I checked for creepy crawleys that may bite or harm my little friend. When limbs popped in front of us, I instinctively threw up my hand to protect him. "Your arm is scratched and bleeding Honey" he said. "It's okay buddy, I'm fine."
Carefully I freed him from briars and lifted him when he reached a place he could not naturally scale. We reached the Summit of the mountain together, hand in hand. 
This is what God does for us. Every step He is ahead of us, clearing the way and when we must go through difficult paths, He is beside us. Loving us through all of it. He did not create the difficult path but He will use it. He will use it to teach us to trust Him supremely and to glorify His kingdom.  

                                                   

June 18th, 2019, Happy Fathers Day. 

Fathers day morning as I'm drinking my coffee my husband finally shared he had been having chest pains for a week and they woke him this morning at 4:30am.
Dear heaven! I'm dressing to go to the hospital and my husband, smelling the food I've prepared for Fathers Day dinner w/family begs me "Please wait. I promise I'll go if I have another pain, even one." He continued, If I go now they will test me for the next two days and I'll get nothing to eat." Against my better judgement, we waited and watched him like a hawk, had the paramedics on speed dial. By five or so in the evening, he was hurting again and off we went to the emergency room.
Life then hit hyper-speed. Through the hospital stay, the heart cath that revealed significant Coronary Artery Disease, (looks like open heart surgery is planned for Wednesday) then two small strokes followed on Tuesday, the uncertainty of his condition, the weakened spot on one side of his heart from damage...  "If he is to have stents Mrs Crossley, it will take two or three sessions with eight to nine stents. It is extensive work for significant damage" ...
yet,  I was calm.
A couple nights into the hospital stay, his night nurse was the absolute best and told me to go home and sleep in a bed. He would care for Don expertly all night. I was exhausted and reluctantly went home. There was a severe storm that night, which damaged my car but... I was calm. I swept the glass out of my seat and floor come morning, called insurance company and went back to the hospital. God was indeed providing as he promised, protection.
 
We were faced with determining what to do, stents or open heart surgery. After much prayer over a surgeon and team, we met them one by one. Donald was pleased and trusted we had chosen wisely. Now we only had to wait more than a month to allow his brain to heal from the strokes. 
It was at this point I shared my restlessness and what had been happening in the weeks before. What God had done on our behalf. Now Donald became calm and peaceful too. 

When we met our cardiac surgeon, he commented he thought it was sad that his stroke patient had a grip like a sailor and hurt his hand. I believe Don was amused. Right before he walked out, Don yelled out "we are going on vacation in a couple weeks, that okay?"
[I had hoped Don had forgotten and I could take him home and watch him for the next 6 or so weeks to make sure he was okay until surgery. But he would have none of it.] I spent several days figuring our route to the beach trying to stay within a couple hours of a clinic or hospital all the way to the beach.
We went with some of our babies and Don had a ball, me not so much. I was happy when we got home.
He could not work during this time and we all need to pay our bills and eat but I was totally at peace. God continued to provide. It was summer. The farm had to be bush-hogged, the grass cut, horses fed daily. While Don could only rest, friends & family took over the physical things I could not do while I cared for him. Our church family loved on us and prayed over us daily. Friends had their friends all over the world praying for us. One friend shared there were even prayers in Jerusalem for Don. God surely showed up and showed out through His people.
You are in a deep valley and then... you aren't. He offers up that life giving water. 

Shields up.  (to be continued...)