Ever find yourself in a place of discontentment? (part 1)

There are a large group of we boomers walking around who hear the words "shields up" and do not think of Star Wars. Crazy, I know.

"Highly Illogical Captain" My childhood only afforded small amounts of news coverage on the Gemini and Apollo space missions in a time long before social media and 24/7 coverage. Television programs provided a futuristic look at space exploration and it came to us in the form Star Trek, where mama would walk through the living room while we were encamped and mutter something like "turn that trash off."
But mama Captain Kirk is at the helm, Dr Spock is on the bridge and they've got this. "Shields up gentlemen" just before they were to be annihilated. Shields were awesome and when the current threat was over, shields were brought down. It was just about the coolest thing I ever saw and made me proud my daddy was in the aeronautics field. (Even though he never made mention of deflector shields) I'm sure it just slipped his mind. 

About mid-April 2019 I began having a very restless spirit. I felt anxious and unsettled. I could not explain it much less share it with anyone. Nothing unusual had happened that I could recall. I decided to pray over this anxiety, thinking at first it was surely my own creation. I can sometime be an over thinker, as was my mother.  Slowly but surely it became apparent to me, deep in my core that something indeed was afoot, not right, needs my attention. But what? I'm supposed to recognize this but I have no idea what it is, where it came from or why I'm concerned with "it." 
I can only describe it as a nagging feeling that would not go away.  As I continued each day thinking and praying. (still having not shared with anyone) I believe the first scripture passage allotted to me was a favorite from Isaiah. 
Isaiah 41:10: Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 


Another, For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock. Psalms 27:5 

But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.
       2 Thessalonians 3:3

I began praying daily over these passages.  I now knew this was not my overactive thinking.  As a mother and grandmother who always prays over her children. My prayers were more frequent but soon I knew. It was not to be my children but our house. This time was different. Now Lord, I understand.

You see I believe in the one true Living Water. Eloheim, Yahweh, Abba Father. I believe God sent his son for my salvation, to bear the burdens of my sin. The sin of the world. I accepted this call at 10 yrs of age and I remember the words I spoke in acceptance of this gift, I remember the white knuckles on the pew I could no longer stand in, I remember racing down the aisle to share my new found faith. I remember the comfort that followed knowing now I belonged to the Lamb. I am one of His sheep.

As it continued, I would often wake at night filled with prayers and scripture of how to "expect" protection. "  While certainly comforted, I was also terrified.
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart." Psalms 91:4   
What in all of heaven and earth is about to happen? Then one day as I completed my daily quiet and devotion time, it ended with "I trust you Jesus." It was everywhere Ilooked and in every thought. I would wake at night with a scripture passage I had not previously thought much on. 
Jeremiah 30:17 -- For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord, because they have called you an outcast: "it is Zion for whom no one cares"

Since November 2017 I had not been at my spiritual best. While in that deep pit we find ourselves in sometime where we can find no reason for the things that have happened and the losses we've suffered. We cry out to God for some semblance of understanding, please Lord... yet nothing. It's a terrible place to dwell. Yet, I trust you Jesus. I must. I was broken beyond repair but God. He met me where I was and when I didn't even know what to pray, The Holy Spirit interceded for me. Over the next eleven months I came to a place of complete peace and rest. 
Yes, God was preparing me for something. I instinctively knew Abba Father was calling me to accept instead of reject these thoughts. I also knew it would be hard. Really hard but there will only be one way and that's through it. God will be close to me and cover me with his shield of protection. 
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts. Neither are your ways my ways, saith Jehovah. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9  

A few years ago we were camping and one of the grands spent the night. Pop headed off to work after breakfast. The boy and I decided to hike up the trails which were quite rough for a little boy of 6 but he was completely committed to the venture. We filled our pockets with snacks, a bottle of water in my pocket and off we went. We climbed rocks and steep trails and every step I walked before him, watching along the trail for creatures great and small, protecting my little buddy. Before we sat on rocks to rest and snack at the peak of the mountain, I checked for creepy crawleys that may bite or harm my little friend. When limbs popped in front of us, I instinctively threw up my hand to protect him. "Your arm is scratched and bleeding Honey" he said. "It's okay buddy, I'm fine."
Carefully I freed him from briars and lifted him when he reached a place he could not naturally scale. We reached the Summit of the mountain together, hand in hand. 
This is what God does for us. Every step He is ahead of us, clearing the way and when we must go through difficult paths, He is beside us. Loving us through all of it. He did not create the difficult path but He will use it. He will use it to teach us to trust Him supremely and to glorify His kingdom.  

                                                   

June 18th, 2019, Happy Fathers Day. 

Fathers day morning as I'm drinking my coffee my husband finally shared he had been having chest pains for a week and they woke him this morning at 4:30am.
Dear heaven! I'm dressing to go to the hospital and my husband, smelling the food I've prepared for Fathers Day dinner w/family begs me "Please wait. I promise I'll go if I have another pain, even one." He continued, If I go now they will test me for the next two days and I'll get nothing to eat." Against my better judgement, we waited and watched him like a hawk, had the paramedics on speed dial. By five or so in the evening, he was hurting again and off we went to the emergency room.
Life then hit hyper-speed. Through the hospital stay, the heart cath that revealed significant Coronary Artery Disease, (looks like open heart surgery is planned for Wednesday) then two small strokes followed on Tuesday, the uncertainty of his condition, the weakened spot on one side of his heart from damage...  "If he is to have stents Mrs Crossley, it will take two or three sessions with eight to nine stents. It is extensive work for significant damage" ...
yet,  I was calm.
A couple nights into the hospital stay, his night nurse was the absolute best and told me to go home and sleep in a bed. He would care for Don expertly all night. I was exhausted and reluctantly went home. There was a severe storm that night, which damaged my car but... I was calm. I swept the glass out of my seat and floor come morning, called insurance company and went back to the hospital. God was indeed providing as he promised, protection.
 
We were faced with determining what to do, stents or open heart surgery. After much prayer over a surgeon and team, we met them one by one. Donald was pleased and trusted we had chosen wisely. Now we only had to wait more than a month to allow his brain to heal from the strokes. 
It was at this point I shared my restlessness and what had been happening in the weeks before. What God had done on our behalf. Now Donald became calm and peaceful too. 

When we met our cardiac surgeon, he commented he thought it was sad that his stroke patient had a grip like a sailor and hurt his hand. I believe Don was amused. Right before he walked out, Don yelled out "we are going on vacation in a couple weeks, that okay?"
[I had hoped Don had forgotten and I could take him home and watch him for the next 6 or so weeks to make sure he was okay until surgery. But he would have none of it.] I spent several days figuring our route to the beach trying to stay within a couple hours of a clinic or hospital all the way to the beach.
We went with some of our babies and Don had a ball, me not so much. I was happy when we got home.
He could not work during this time and we all need to pay our bills and eat but I was totally at peace. God continued to provide. It was summer. The farm had to be bush-hogged, the grass cut, horses fed daily. While Don could only rest, friends & family took over the physical things I could not do while I cared for him. Our church family loved on us and prayed over us daily. Friends had their friends all over the world praying for us. One friend shared there were even prayers in Jerusalem for Don. God surely showed up and showed out through His people.
You are in a deep valley and then... you aren't. He offers up that life giving water. 

Shields up.  (to be continued...)