Hope for the New Year.

Thoughts over coffee this morning.
This time three years ago I was waiting on results from a thyroid ultrasound & biopsy. Nodules found on a routine doctor visit had been biopsied. January 14th I got the call, Mrs Crossley unfortunately it's cancer. One nodule tested positive and the other is suspicious, I recommend we remove it all now. Eliminate the possibility of it returning there. I agreed. 

A short two weeks later, January 30th I had surgery. March 11, 2020, one week before we all heard about covid, I went to hospital for radiation. Life changed. 
Recovery went well and I read all I could on things to look for, treatments, life expectancy and curable rates. 
Fast forward to August of 2021 and I was finally scheduled for my "missed" skin check. When you are fair skinned and blue eyed you get skin checks. Your mother made you all your life and it becomes a habit. [My Springtime skin check was postponed because of covid.]
Now, three spots were biopsied and one particularly worrisome. My kind doctor called to tell me the spot on top of my head was indeed melanoma. My surgeon was recommended and off we went, surgery followed- a shaved top of head, wound vacuum, months of healing and massaging to stretch the skin. I feel by the grace of God, I did incredibly well but again, life changed. 

The only thing I could think about this entire time for almost two years was trust Jesus, just trust Jesus. I've trusted Jesus since I as ten years old. I trust Him every day but when life gets really hard you cling to Him- not just daily but sometime minute by minute, hour by hour.. you tell yourself, this day is only twenty-four hours, it will be passed soon, hang on. He will bring a new day or take me home. Either way, I am good. 

In our human frailty, we try to take situations & circumstances in life and make them what we want them to be. We try and manipulate the outcome to be what we want, when we want and how we want. We forge ahead with everything in us to make it all work out. The truth is, we are (were) never in charge. 
Looking back on those times especially the ones no one saw, when the home health nurse and my husband picked hardened ostomy paste (set up like concrete) from my head and sniped the hair away at my scalp for an hour and a half. Someone applied it out too far and it was glued to my scalp in a five inch circle around an open wound the size of a silver dollar. Those times, I trusted Jesus. 

Before the thyroid surgery I asked everyone I could think of in the medical field, who to use. Which surgeon, who, who?  Extended family, close friends suggested my surgeon, "He's the best Leisa".. and he was. He was a God fearing, praying man. I never doubted or worried going into surgery, I knew I trusted Jesus and so did my surgeon. 

You see when you trust in Jesus, He sends the right people into your path. He always allows us free will but the Holy Spirit guides and encourages and when you are at your lowest, He covers you when you have no words. He intercedes on your behalf. When you do not even know what to pray, He fills you up. 

There was one thing during that time I could not resolve. I needed to talk to my mama. If I could only talk with my mama I knew all would be okay. 

  

Well, mama went on to her heavenly home a decade before. What I never told anyone was the dream I had two nights before my surgery. 
In my dream we were on the beach, as I had been some forty plus years ago with my mother. We had gone down to Pensacola for a few days, just the two of us, I was seventeen. Just some time with her sister, at my aunt and uncles home. Down time was hard to come by in those days for mama, she worked full time. Daddy was struggling after a car accident had caused internal injuries. But we took just a few days. It was too cool to swim but we lounged on the beach in the sunshine like cats in a warm window. There were things brewing with me and although I had not told my mother I believe her intuition had taken over. 
Mama was a loving and good mother, the best but she was not much for mushy sentiment. She was a product of her upbringing during the depression. She saw no reason for any complaining ever. 
But this day while watching the waves roll in and back out I knew she had something to say. She turned to me and said, "Leisa, there is nothing in this world that would ever stop your daddy and I from loving you. You know that don't you?" Yes mama, I do but thank you for saying it.  
"You can always depend on us, daddy and I are here. always."

There are people who will read this and think "what hooey" or "wishful thinking".. but there are those of us who know without a shadow of a doubt a mighty God who always provides. Thank you Lord does not quite seem enough, does it? 

It's February already, hard to believe. I look out the window this morning at our birds hopping and flittering around the feeders, the lake looks like glass with the occasional ripple from a duck forging ahead. 

My soul is at peace as my three year anniversary of thyroid cancer passed only a few days ago. All I can think on these days, my Father in heaven is so good, He is all I need. My hope for the new year is to grow in faith, continue to trust in Jesus and share what He's done for me. 
Just remember, we are not in control as life changes. However, the beauty and joy is in the releasing of worry, of fear, of having to do it alone. Because you don't have to do it alone, ever. 
Make this one a beautiful day, make it count.