I started reading the report and was not only confused but a smidge concerned. I had blood work done the week before and the following week it ends up in my patient portal, for viewing. It has become routine yes, but still holds me hostage until I see the endocrinologist and am assured all is fine. (I love that man. I've shared with him what a blessing he is to us, to me. I pray for him regularly.)
His calm and reassuring manner is very much the same as my father was and likewise, my husband. He is smart, thorough and always learning more, which I find completely necessary in a doctor. There isn't an arrogant bone in his body. He reads my face each visit, I always ask questions. He innately knows what he needs to explain to me.
I go every six months to be checked. That blip caused me concern though. It was one of my levels looking really askew and out of range. What does it mean? Can it be something pointing to cancer again?
I hate to admit it but it kept me from sleeping well the night before. It was after much prayer and meditating on Gods Word that I finally fell asleep before my upcoming office visit. While three hours sleep is no big deal at age 25 or 30, it is huge at my age. I felt I had been run over by a truck.
As usual, he gets me in the exam room in a timely manner. As we pass the pleasantries and greetings, he assures me my cancer markers are completely nil. He starts his physical exam but saw the concern in my eyes and we begin discussing with brief breaks where he can palpate my lymph glands. They feel fabulous, nothing there. Now, my friend.. what is so concerning you today?
He knows I tend to overthink. His first words are reassuring that my thyroid cancer is gone. Completely gone. Melanoma, which was a death sentence 20 yrs ago (his words), is now at the forefront of new technologies and treatments. I am encouraged not to fret over it too much. Whatever comes along can be managed. Simply continue due diligence in skin checks and concerning spots.
Now to my concern, he begins explaining with his laptop in front of me, how these tests are executed, how the ratios are figured and completed. It really doesn't give the full picture. I am seeing that the standard ( or "mean") used and the ratio provided really does cause the result to be skewed. He goes on to tell me, how really if you look at my individual numbers they are very good. He did it again. Mrs Crossley, you are good. I leave the office relieved and thankful.
Just over three years ago I prayed profoundly & consistently for "the right" Surgeon and for the right Endocrinologist and my prayers were answered. He guided me to their doors via friend and family recommendations. I am thankful every day for those recommendations.
It makes me think. Do we not do the exact same thing in our daily walk in faith? We are faced with dilemmas, catastrophes, physical and mental limitations every day. We overthink sometime and allow the enemy to manipulate us to the point we no longer think logically. Satan is the author of confusion, it's what he does best. He wants us messed up, off kilter and confused. He magnifies every fault and reminds us of every misstep. He wants you to doubt everything you've ever known as true. Do you hear me? He wants you to doubt everything you've ever known as truth.
When you find yourself in a place of chaos, confusion, doubt.. know, it is definitely the enemy. We allow ourselves to believe his lies. Sometime he is so convincing. When Jesus is right there, saying. . trust me. Trust me to do what your Father said He would do. He has given us a beautiful purpose for our lives. As a follower of Christ, sometime I receive answers that I am comfortable with and sometime things did not turn out the way I thought or would have wished for. I still know, like I know my name, that God is always faithful.
When something grabs your attention and you feel fear rise in you, reassurance is needed.
I had thyroid cancer just over three years ago and just under two years later, melanoma. There is never a day again in this life that I wake and do not at least think about it. That's what Satan wants me to dwell on.. the "what if's". He wants me thinking about the cancer lurking just below the surface, ready to attack again at any moment. That is why an active prayer life and praying friends come in. I love and trust my prayer warriors and know I can call on them anytime, day or night. God said, pray without ceasing.
I've said it before but cancer has been a strange blessing. We think of blessings as those times God answers our prayers in the way we want and His timing matches what we needed. All in a neat little package. That is not life though. We live in a fallen creation and we are all imperfect. I know who my Lord and Savior is but sometime I need reminding. Sometime I need him to say in a calm voice, like Dr V, "let me explain, let me show you" .. and show me He does. I have to remind myself that while the enemy can mess with my head, he can't have me. I belong to another, I have a Savior. He puts people in my path who lift me up, who pray over me. He also removes people I no longer need in my life. Maybe they are not going where I'm going.
So, today I will choose to trust in God. Trust that He has me in his hand. Life is so much easier when you do.
