Thoughts from May 2nd--
It's a beautiful day outside. The sun is shining, there's still a little "crisp" in the air. I've listened to the ducks squawk on the lake while I sip my coffee. I feel very blessed to live here.
Yesterday was not a great day. For some reason I didn't feel normal. I woke to a fine day outside but it happens every year on May 1st. I feel completely disconnected and off. I went into the studio to work early thinking it would help me concentrate. Oh well, I had to stop anyway, a doctors appointment beckoned. I took a nap later, not like me. Then, I looked at my calendar. . . ah, I understand now. It's been eleven years since she went to her heavenly home.
I do not want to be sad, it serves no purpose but there I was. I sat and prayed over it, piddled in the kitchen for a while.
Thank you Lord for answered prayer.
I remember a particular shopping trip. Mama and I slipped away often to shop together on a Saturday. Her favorite spot was downtown Birmingham, all her favorite stores. It wasn't always buying, sometime just window shopping, watching prices. We always came back to purchase when the sales started.
We were usually gone all day and had to have a meal out. Depending on 'cash flow' at the time there were several options considered. One was my favorite, Joy Young for chinese food. There was also Britling cafeteria, the little cafe on the mezzanine at Lovemans or the counter at S.H. Kress five & dime for a quick sandwich. Sometimes she even brought sandwiches from home and we ate in the park.
This particular day as we began to get hungry we headed over to S.H. Kress. It was a huge building with gold letters on the front, awnings over the big picture windows. It smelled of good food when you walked in despite most of the store was dry goods. The sandwich counter over to one side with it's twisty, swiveling stools were calling my name that day. To sit at the counter and have a sandwich and a bag of chips was as exciting as a holiday. We practically never got extras like chips at home, I was ecstatic. There was a bus stop pick up directly in front of the store and often the less fortunate hung out there to wait for the kindness of strangers.
I had my little blue plastic Barbie wallet in my hand. My Aunt Lora gave it to me for Christmas. I had a few pennies and maybe a nickel in it and a school days picture of both my brothers. But I was feeling very fancy that day sitting at the counter on my twisty seat.
Mama ordered two egg salad sandwiches and two chips w/a coca cola for each of us to drink. The sweet waitress added a straw to mine, I was over the moon.
We said our blessing and began to eat. Mama was pilfering in her purse and asked me did I bring any change? Back in those days, a loaf of bread was about a nickel, change went a long way.
I proudly opened my little wallet and held it out to her, she took a little change and told me she would return it when we got home. She counted out her money and motioned for the waitress while I inhaled egg salad and potato chips. In a few minutes the waitress handed mama a bag. She told me to sit tight and she went outside the store and came right back. No discussion, no fanfare and the bag was gone.
We continued our conversation and finished our shopping that day. It wasn't until later I realized she ordered sandwiches and gave them to the people standing outside the store. This was one of things I loved about my mama.
My mother was a strong woman mentally & emotionally, she was a spiritual woman w/great faith, despite growing up without her mother, she mothered well. She demanded certain behavior from her children, never tolerated talking back or disrespect. She would simply say "that is not acceptable." She was also incredibly smart, kind and loving, her sense of humor was sarcastic & weird. She had a soft spot for others, she loved the sunshine and being outside. I'm sure that's where I get my love for outdoors. I'm also sure God gave her the gift of discernment because she always knew when to intervene and say something or when not to say something. When all you needed was for her to sit with you, just be there- she never opened her mouth. She just sat.
Last night to end the day on a good note I made one of her favorite meals. Smoked sausage with bell pepper, onions and potatoes. I find it amazing so many things in my life remind me of her. Today will not be a sad day. It's honestly more a longing than sadness, to see her, to talk with her again. God promises we will have eternity to be together.
Yes there are days in life that will be filled with sadness, losses and grief. Yet, our Father reminds us of the beautiful mundane experiences we lived, the memories which continue to bring comfort. It also reminds me to love my people who are here. To listen and soak it all in.
Today it's raining, but it will be a beautiful, mundane day for as many blessings as we can squeeze in. Thank you Lord for another day.
